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DS fic: Fangirl!Frannie

Fandom: Due South
Pairings: Frannie/fandom, Frannie/Elaine, references to Fraser/Kowalski, Vecchio/Stella, and Thatcher/Turnbull
Length: 1,333 words
Rating: PG
Notes: Painfully unbetaed. Written for one of my own prompts at ds_kinkmeme, specifically this one:

Post-CotW, Frannie discovers fandom. Any fandom you like. In between raising her gazillion kids and being an awesome cop, obviously.

Does she force Elaine into beta service? Does she get into huge shipping wankfests with Turnbull? Is Welsh tormented by dramatic readings of her WIPs? Does she send links to her brother that scar him for life? Does she ask her fake brother penetrating questions about male anatomy and sexual response that make him refuse to speak to her for weeks? Do all her BSOs tend to be described as muscular and blue-eyed, without regard to their canon appearance?

Elaine says, "What?" and then she says, "Oh, for..." and "No, no I will not."

Then it's, "Look, Frannie. They're strange people on the internet exchanging porn about a TV show. Why do you care what they think about your spelling?"

"Where did you find this stuff? Tell me you're not writing this on your work computer. I knew this printer paper looked familiar. Is this what you've been doing instead of the Blenkmann report?"

"I didn't say I'd edit it if you finished the Blenkmann report, I said you needed to finish that before you wrote any more. Because writing reports is part of your job, Frannie. Which is why I proof-read those."

"This is not something I imagined I'd be arguing about as a cop on a stakeout. Do you think Jack and Dewey spent their last shift planning semi-legal romantic epics?"

(There was an unsettled pause after that last, as both Frannie and Elaine realized independently and then out loud together that (a) it was entirely possible, and (b) the only thing more terrifying than that thought was trying to imagine what those stories would be about.)

"Okay, okay, fine. Give me the printout, and you watch the building. You owe me coffee and a croissant tomorrow."


A few years later, when she's putting together her site on geocities - she has her own website! With columns, and a nice yellow patterned background, and photos, the whole tamale! - she thinks about not putting up those first couple stories. Especially the one that goes into so much detail about the seed-pearls spanning the tiny waist of Amanda's wedding gown.

But really, she's not embarrassed, and she doesn't see why she should pretend to be. Everyone's got to start somewhere, right?


"Francesca. I admit I glanced only briefly at this document, but as the paragraph I read included the words 'ghosted over her trembling milk-white breast, encased in its pink lace prison,' I must conclude one of two things. Either this was not the report you meant to give me, or the SecureInvest embezzlement case had a great deal more complexity and human interest than I'd been led to believe.

"Also, I think you'll find that Agent Mulder has hazel eyes, not blue.

"That was not an invitation to tell me more, officer."


Frannie's stirring a putanesca sauce, watching this new Superman show on the kitchen TV, and thinking idly that the amount of pink that girl Lena wears is way too much even by her own standards, when she gets the call from Welsh. She shrieks, and Maria nearly takes off a finger with the breadknife, and the babies start crying, and her ma starts praying, and it's pandemonium for several minutes before Frannie can get a verb in edgewise to say no, nothing's happened to Elaine. Nothing's happened to Ray, or Stella, or Ray, or Benton.

She, Frannie, has just been asked to take the test for detective.


From: Raymond Vecchio < >
To: Francesca V. < >
Re: Re: Do me a favor?


Is this what you're into now? I can't believe you would look at something like this in a house with children in it! I looked this up on one of the department computers!


>From: Francesca V.<>
>To: Raymond Vecchio <>

>Do a search on the word "goatse." It's important!
>Frannie <3 <3 <3


Elaine, who persuaded Frannie into moving to LiveJournal to begin with, buys her a permanent account on their third anniversary. She still complains that she can hear Frannie taking notes in her head sometimes while they're having sex, but Frannie's pretty sure she doesn't really mind.


"Frannie, I've only read one of these books - it was for a case! Yes, the case involved kids' books! They were smuggling exotic reptiles in hollowed out copies of The Goblet of Fire - look, that is not the point! The point is that Harry Potter's eyes are not blue. They're green. She only mentions it twice on every page.

"Hey, I'm stuck in the hospital two days, Fraser brings me a laptop computer, I was bored. Why'd you write it if you don't want people reading it?"


Turnbull ships Buffy/Andrew, which is so obviously wrong on so many different levels that Frannie seriously considers that he might be writing those fics as some kind of secret code to send messages to his wife when she's on missions.

She doesn't get into flame wars much any more, she just tells herself the Spuffy shippers will see how wrong they are in the end. But there is only so much mortal fish can bare, and Ren sending her a link to his ship manifesto when she's already traumatized by seventh season is the limit.

msmalaprop and sewardspatient get written up in one of the first wank reports over at the new F_W.


"Detective Vecchio. While I did rashly say you could have some minimal decoration on your desk, I would prefer not to have to explain to the Commissioner why action figures are posed in compromising positions all around your computer."


When Benton's third book comes out, the one about oil drilling or whatever, he and her ex-fake-brother get pekinged by the publishers and the Mounties into going on a bunch of talk shows. Frannie tapes all the American ones, of course, and gets Turnbull to tape and send her the ones from Canada. Fraser is...well, he's still Fraser, and beautiful, even if he looks like he'd rather be facing a firing squad than Jon Stewart. Ray is skinny and twitchy and rude, so no surprise there.

Surprised isn't really the word, though, for what she is when she finds it listed for Yuletide: RPF - Canadian Explorers. There was a documentary about Franklin out earlier in the year starring Colin Firth, so that's one thing, but at least three people have actually requested stories about S. R. Kowalski and Sergeant Benton Fraser, and when she does a little googling she finds a tiny but active fandom.

People seem to way overestimate Ray's coolness.

She ends up betaing a fic, because she's in the Yuletide chatroom when one of the hippos asks if anyone can read it, and she thinks hey, why not? It's not bad, aside from the brain-shattering thing. For some reason, though, the writer thinks Benton's eyes are gray.


Ray Vecchio to me

WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME? Why do I not know better than to click links you send me?
-Hide quoted text

On Tue, Dec 29, 2009 at 15:50, Francesca V. <> wrote:


Frannie might not have discovered some frozen dead guy, or headed up an organized crime task force. She's never jumped out of a plane, gone undercover, or carried her partner for miles through the wilderness on her back. But she's the 2-7's top interrogator, for reasons that still mystify her but she doesn't question. Harding's stood by her and Elaine for enough years that the whole CPD knows: not only do you not talk snot about Welsh's lezzie cops, but Besbriss is being groomed for Lieutenant someday.

This may not have been the life she ever pictured herself leading. She'll always carry a little bit of a lamp for this one blue-eyed guy she sees every Christmas, but she's not alone in having once loved somebody she never quite got over. It doesn't matter who your old love was if you've got your best love with you.

Frannie's got the weirdest family ever in the world, and she kind of likes that. She's got a girlfriend with soft skin and a smart mouth, and 367 friends on LJ. She's a detective, and a good cook, and a mother, and a writer. And yesterday the new civilian aide-guy fell out of his chair while checking out her legs in her new leather skirt.

She figures that's as happy an ending as anybody could ever have never thought to wish for.


Why don't I have a Frannie icon? *goes looking*



( 37 comments — Speak )
Oct. 31st, 2009 12:41 am (UTC)
Why, hello, awesome fic! Where did you come from?? XD V. charming and fun, m'dear. In my dream world, Fraser would beta for her, but that's neither here nor there. Yay, happy Frannie fic! ♥
Oct. 31st, 2009 12:58 am (UTC)
Ha, I'd love to read a fic about that world.

I thought about an unhealthy amount of detail for this fic about what everyone was doing. I think in this universe, Fraser is up in Inuvik, heading up the local RCMP outpost with Maggie, getting up to crazy adventures with RayK, and writing srs bsns environmentalist books and memoirs.

He has in fact read some of Frannie's fic, but is too embarrassed by the NC-17 stuff to discuss it with her.

RayK actually started reading it back when she was writing Mulder/Scully (he's always had the hots for Scully) and she actually sent him a link to her stories - he just wasn't going to admit it, because he was still annoyed about the Very Inappropriate Questions she'd been asking him. It's a few years later when he brings up the HP fic stuff, though, and the painkillers he's taken have loosened his tongue, so.

I'm glad you enjoyed it, m'dear!
Oct. 31st, 2009 01:32 am (UTC)
I don't think Fraser would be embarrassed. Not by his relationship with Ray, anyway. I imagine it'd be something like this...

From: Benton Fraser < >
To: Francesca V. < >


Thank you kindly for sending your most recent "W.I.P." As always, I found it heartfelt and sincere. However, there are a few issues of which I feel you should be made aware.

First, the standard issue RCMP gun is the Smith & Wesson 5946 9mm Double Action Only pistol. You have equipped me with a 4046 in this story and while they look quite similar, the pistols have subtle differences... that I shall not elaborate upon, keeping in mind your recent lengthy commentary on what I shall find in my stocking come Christmas morning if I continue to "go on and on about stupid stuff that's not important, Benton". I feel certain that Ray will appreciate my restraint as well.

Speaking of restraint, you will find that the word "handcuffs" is spelled with two "f"s. (The third sentence in the fourteenth paragraph.) And as I have mentioned on several occasions, I am not comfortable speaking for Ray's experiences, so you will need to ask him how he felt having them used in an intimate situation. I found that evening immensely bracing, personally, and I would hope that he did as well, but again, I cannot speak for him.

One wonders, however, how this story you've written can be considered fiction, be it "fan" or otherwise...

Regardless, Francesca, I believe you are nearly there. I would consider reworking the "action sequence" to have significantly less kissing and a great deal more gun fire. And I'm not entirely certain that you've mastered Detective Dewey's personality yet. I confess that I cannot imagine him calling anyone a "dude". But on the whole it is quite an engaging entertainment and you should again be proud of your literary achievements.

All the best to you and your family. I extend my wishes that your brother is speaking to you once more.

Benton Fraser
Oct. 31st, 2009 02:43 am (UTC)
Bwah! ♥ ♥ ♥
Oct. 31st, 2009 02:13 pm (UTC)
That was WONDERFUL - perfect Fraser voice!
Oct. 31st, 2009 04:22 pm (UTC)
Aw, thanks! I'm practicing. ;)
Oct. 31st, 2009 12:46 am (UTC)
*Giggle* This was so wonderful I don't know where to start!

Yuletide: RPF - Canadian Explorers

*giggles more*
Oct. 31st, 2009 01:02 am (UTC)
Thank you!

I love the idea of a tiny RPF fandom about Canadian explorers. All the fangirls would have Kate Beaton icons and read serious history books as research for their pr0n!
Oct. 31st, 2009 03:17 am (UTC)
Fraaaannie!! :D This was brilliant.

People seem to way overestimate Ray's coolness. Heee!
Oct. 31st, 2009 06:23 pm (UTC)
They do! He's always being described as this slinky, sexy, smooth-moving guy. Frannie blames Fraser's book about the expedition, because the way he writes about Ray is...well, Fraser doesn't and has never known anything about coolness, so it's unsurprising and sort of sweet that he has all these delusions about Ray.

All she's saying is, it's really obvious none of these fanwriters have ever seen Ray Kowalski eat a sandwich.
Oct. 31st, 2009 11:01 am (UTC)
Oh god. I think you just made my weekend. This is awesome in so many ways, and I want to quote every line of it. Oh, Frannie. &hearts &hearts &hearts
Oct. 31st, 2009 06:25 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
Oct. 31st, 2009 02:17 pm (UTC)
There is just too much of this that I loved to quote! Which is frustrating, because i like to give detailed feedback, but really, it's all wonderful! Every character voice rang true, and it was funny and touching and I am literally clapping my hands with delight.

Oh, and i have to mention how perfectly you captured Frannie's ablility to substitue words. That's a skill, because really, sometimes her words make as much sense if not more than the ones she's "supposed' to use, and that's hard to write.

Oct. 31st, 2009 06:27 pm (UTC)
Yay! Handclapping! That's awesome. Thank you!

And I'm glad Frannie rang true. I've never written Frannie-POV before, so I was a little uncertain.
Nov. 1st, 2009 01:56 am (UTC)
I forgot to mention that if this:
Especially the one that goes into so much detail about the seed-pearls spanning the tiny waist of Amanda's wedding gown.
is referring to Scarecrow and Mrs King (for which I wrote quite a few stories), then I will have no choice but to love you forever.

I'm pre-emptively friending you just in case :)
Oct. 31st, 2009 04:43 pm (UTC)
This is probably my new favorite thing in the whole universe.

I was irrationally sad when the Yuletide link was fake, even though I knew it would be. XD
Oct. 31st, 2009 06:35 pm (UTC)
Wow, and there are so many awesome things in the universe! I am commensurately flattered! ♥ ♥

Ha, yes. I am inordinately amused by the idea of a few RPF fangirls watching Fraser and Kowalski on talk shows and going, "Pretty! And look at how cute they are when they bicker about their adventures. Bless! ...Is there any pr0n?"
Oct. 31st, 2009 08:25 pm (UTC)
Sweet and funny, and very well done!
Nov. 1st, 2009 04:09 am (UTC)

Not only did this kill me with laughter, it's such a perfect, clever fit for the canon and written in such a great Frannie voice. Not just the malapropisms, but her brashness and then surprise at being taken seriously. *hugs Frannie*

And then there's the fact that it's metafic, which is maybe my biggest bulletproof kink, and the way you had the characters interacting with fandom is brilliant. The meta of having RPF for Fraser & Kowalski is just... *flails*

I'm sorry. You have made me incoherent with glee. Best. Thing. Ever.
Nov. 7th, 2009 07:22 pm (UTC)
Eeee! I love this so much! Adorable!
Nov. 8th, 2009 07:00 am (UTC)
Greatness. There are no other words.
Jan. 14th, 2010 07:07 am (UTC)
Bwahahaha!! This was hilarious and fun!
Mar. 5th, 2010 03:07 am (UTC)
Hah! Funny and I can so see her doing this. Loved Vecchio's astounded disgust especially!
Apr. 5th, 2010 02:08 am (UTC)
SO WONDERFUL!! What a lovely, joyous fic. I loved you celebrating Frannie, and due South, and fandom all at once. And I adored RayK's first reaction to the Harry Potter fic, and the tiny seed pearls on the tiny waist of Amanda's wedding dress. Awwwwww.
Apr. 5th, 2010 02:52 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much! Those are exactly the things I wanted to celebrate in this fic, so I'm glad that came across, and that you enjoyed it.
Apr. 11th, 2010 10:37 pm (UTC)
::giggling -- and coughing -- madly:: Oh, this was just *perfect*. (MsMalaprop -- yes!) And Ray V scarred for life, and the Yuletide fandom, and just... the whole thing is made of win and awesome, thank you!!

(Here via crack_van.)
Apr. 12th, 2010 12:52 am (UTC)
Yay, I'm glad you liked it! (And sorry about the coughing!) And thanks for telling me it was recced!
Apr. 16th, 2010 10:27 pm (UTC)
SQUEE. The awesome, it cannot be contained. F_W going on about Turnbull and Frannie's flamewars! Ray, when are you goign to learn *never* to look at anything your little sister ever even hints about, let alone sends you?

Fraser would be the most awesome beta. Except a little too polite. Ray... awww. Yes, he really does read fanfic. probably Law and Order*, CSI, OZ but utterly denies any Fast and the Furious WIPs you may find on his computer. Fraser purses his lips anytime ray tries to put the dvds on.

*he's known for writing detailed, detailed case fic with really hot sex scenes in alleys.

...why is there not Canadian Explorers fic in Yuletide? WHY?

...Yeah, fandom makes experts in really odd things. I still love those fandoms where the fic is considerably more real-life accurate than the show writers could ever be bothered with.
Apr. 21st, 2010 06:21 am (UTC)
This is awesome! I love your Frannie-speak that's sprinkled throughout the fic; it's like reading her brain. :)

And of course Turnbull would be totally devoted to his otp.
Aug. 10th, 2010 03:30 pm (UTC)
Geocities! XFiles! LJ! F_W! goatse! I love it all - this is such a spectacular little mini-history of fandom, and so true to character :)
Aug. 12th, 2010 01:30 am (UTC)
Thank you! And yeah, "mini-history of fandom" was definitely what I was going for. Glad you enjoyed the fic!
Aug. 18th, 2010 01:07 pm (UTC)

The prompt of this is a thing of joy to start with and the meta is glorious.

But the voices in the fic are pitchperfect. I adore RV's indignant capslock rage in his emails - goatse! Frannie how could you? - but really everyone is perfect in this, hilarious and in-character. I could hear Welsh being growly and acerbic. The fannish path Frannie goes down brings the meta, and is so convincingly how she'd do it.

Thank you so much for this.
Aug. 29th, 2010 11:14 pm (UTC)
Thank you for reading and commenting!

Basically, as soon as I had the idea, I knew exactly how all the various characters would react: it was just a matter of getting the voices right, so I'm glad you thought they worked. And yeah, Frannie's path in fandom is a little bit meta, a little bit my own, and a little bit just what I thought she'd be interested in. But it really does make me happy to think of her finding a home and a voice in fandom, as so many of us do.
Oct. 19th, 2010 07:46 am (UTC)
This was delightful.

RPF - Canadian Explorers. Hee.
Nov. 4th, 2010 03:35 am (UTC)
Glad you enjoyed it! :D

That totally should be a real Yuletide category.
Mar. 23rd, 2011 03:10 am (UTC)
People seem to way overestimate Ray's coolness.


This is so awesome! <3 <3 <3
Mar. 23rd, 2011 03:52 am (UTC)
They do! In the stories he's all slinky and self-confident. Clearly, these fangirls have never seen her ex-fake-brother eat a peanut butter sandwich.

I'm so glad you enjoyed the story! Thanks for commenting.
( 37 comments — Speak )


you're always running into people's unconscious

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